Secret Convention With my Favorite Fic PPL
by neeshanox
Summary: Not Just Twilight! Edward, Bella, Zane Cobriana, Harry Potter and gang, Jack Sparrow and more! See How I make them fight to the death! Please Read and Review or I'll come for you during the night... fourth part up! Grrrr. Review or I'll bite. HAHAHAHAHAHA
1. Chapter 1

**Interview with some of my favorite fiction People convention.**

Me: What's up home slices?!

Everbody: -silence-

Harry Potter: How did I end up here?

Me: Sit down and shut up Potter! Kinda feels good to be like Snape...

Emmett Cullen: She kinda scares me Rose.

Rosalie Hale: -glares at me-

Me: BUGGER OFF ROSE! It clearly says FAVORITE fan fiction people. Did you get lost on your way in here? Aren't you supposed to be killing cute, fuzzy little animals? -silence... clears throat-

Me: I used my magical powers to bring you all here today so don't think about escaping or I will kill all of you.

Edward Cullen: You'd kill my Bella?

Me: I would kill EVERYBODY. So shut the hell up cullen. Shouldn't you be, like, chasing Newton? he's your enemy.

Edward: -snorts- No. The pup is.

Me: JACOB'S HERE TOO! HI JAKE!!! No fighting yet you two!!!

Me: Okay my first demand is that Voldie and Megatron have a battle until the death.

Harry: - stands up- Uh, Voldemorts dead. I killed him.

Me: Yeah well duh, I read your book... I just ressurected him. Sit down Potter! Everyone you love is dead.

Harry: Ron and Hermione aren't!

Me: Yeah... well they are now. Damn bushy haird freak and gingerkids.

Bumblebee: Excuse me Megatron is extinct also.

Me: Yup, did him too. Now we go to Ancient Rome because it's awesome.

In the colosseum.

Everybody: How the Hell does she do that?!?

Voldemort and Megatron: Neesha, To you! We who are about to die salute you!

Me: Continue. -raises hand and shoos them off-

Watch as Voldie and Megatron duke it out.

Voldemort dies.

Megatron dies.

Me: Well this sucks. -mumbles- Nicks gonna be mad that one didn't survive.

Me: Back to the secret convention!

Me: Okay Zane Cobriana stand up please!

Zane : -stands up- Er, yes?

Me: You are hot.

Zane: um, thank you?

Me: Edward and Jacob! -both stand-

Me: Guess what!?!? You get to fight now!

Bella: NO!!!!

Me: Shut up or I'll feed you to the wolves... wait no that's wrong... vampires! No wrong again... I got it. I'll ressurect James, Victoria and Laurent to eat you! -claps hands- Too much work...

Edward: -growls- I'll fight just leave her alone.

Me: No... MARCUS! CAUIS! ARO! -three vampires in black cloaks stand up-

Aro: Yes master.

Edward: -in horror- You work for _her_?!?

Aro: yeah, it sucks but we get by.

Jasper: Empathy!! NOO! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME! NO COPPERS! NANERS!

Alice: I did not see this coming.

Carlisle: I kinda like this.

Esme: What has happened to the world?

Me: I happened. Now fight Cullen, Black and Cobriana.

Trio: -Gets ready-

Me: Who ever lives can be my king. - they all kill themselves-

Alice: I saw that coming.

Bella: EDWARD!! YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME AGAIN!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me: OMG! _**SHUT UP!**_ I know what your punishment is! You must be a barbie doll forever! You must constantly play sports and dance.

Emmett: That sounds really funny!

Hermione: Physically that is probably impossible because she is not made of plastic and playing sports and dancing would be extremly difficu-

Everybody: SHUT UP!

Me: Yes, do shut up you bushy haired freak.

Harry: I thought you were dead.

Hermione: No. She tried, but I escaped.

Jack Sparrow: Like I... -slurs in a sexy way- I -hiccup- did! RUM!

Me: yes, Rum!

Will Turner: Bella swan's kinda hot.

Bella: Well Edward _is _dead...

Me: I _knew _it! Traitor!

Elizabeth: Will? -in that high annoying way she does it-

Will: I'm too hot for you. And she's more of a damsel. I saw her trip on the way in here. Besides you like Jack.

Jack: 'Ello Love. Lil' poppit. Don'ttouchmyrum!

**Review. If you wanna find out what other ways I tortured them in you have to find out later. It got really random in the end... then again it was always random.**


	2. Interviewtorture Continued

**-Spoilers In this Story-**

**Totally Forgot to say this last time! **

**Nick: Guess what?**

**Me: -sighs- What now Nick?  
Nick: No! No! You **_**Have **_**to **_**guess**_

**Me: I don't know what I'm guessing about!**

**Nick: Just take a friggin' Guess!**

**Me: Your an alien sent from Mars to take over the world before me and corrupt what friends I have left.**

**Nick: ...**

**Me:...**

**Nick:... Besides that!**

**Me: Jeremy died!?!?! YEAH!**

**Nick: No, even better!**

**Me: If you say I suck I'm going to kill you.**

**Nick: Haha yeah that too, but you don't own any of these people!**

**Me: Crap! Well yeah, But I can make them do what ever I want! I can make Jack Sparrow sober! Or I can make Edward Cullen stand on his head and burp the ABC's!**

**Nick: Dear God don't do that!**

**Me: Yeah a sober Jack isn't fun.**

**Nick: Definitely Yeah.**

**AHAHAHHAAH! Okay this is a super quick and awesome dedication. To The first four people to ever even comment one of my Fanfics! ****Pandarama****! I love jake too. He may -cough- make an appearance again-cough-. ****Amberzstarz****! I ditto that cough with -****E ****to the ****D ****to the ****W ****to the ****A ****to the ****R ****to the ****D****... edward! -cough-cough-cough- ****Bekah-the best ever****! I'm glad you fell on the floor laughing... that sounds horrible... but I'm glad you liked it! And ****Jake Caldefore****... I hope your space button gets fixed. mine seems to work... I live for random.**

**And if you don't know nick than I should let you know it's his dream to see a Yo Mama smack down between Voldemort and Megatron. Check out my idiot quotes to get an idea about what nicks like. You probably know some one like him.**

**Read on Forward for More absurd Adventures!**

Bella: I never really Mad made out with a drunk, dirty, dreadlocked, eyeliner wearing, gold tooth capped Pirate before. I wonder what thats like?

Will: What about me!? Why does everyone leave me? I'm a teen dream!

Jack: Did I mention I was bloody rich!

Will: No your not!

Bella: Oh, Jack!

Will & Elizabeth: It's _Captain _Jack Sparrow! Pirates!

Will: -Will mumbles to himself- Stupid Will. Don't help him! Why does everyone leave me!?

Bella: I tend to go for older guys... Edward was like 100 and somethin'. I don't know, I'm bad at math... and gym... I'm horrible at everything... I don't deserve anything!

Me: Wow... I guess that makes sense. -turns to everyone- if you leave here this will never be mentioned again. COMPRENDE???!!!

Everyone: YES MA'AM! -quakes in fear-

Me: Good! Bella?!

Bella: -sniffles- What?

Me: -sigh- I can't believe I'm saying this... but Edward wanted you... and well, hell it wasn't for your looks! So drop the whole everyone hates you act. Nobodies gonna hate you... well unless you keep crying. Seriously? In Eclipse? I was almost ready to slap you.

Bella: I'm not sure if that's a compliment...

Me: Just think of it as one.

Will: That was total CRAP. I guess she just likes the old rich guys. -grumble, grumble, grumble-

Me: Okay now everyone shut the heck up This is MY Convention. That was _already _a long Authors note too...

Hermione:-grumbles- A total crap one.

Me: Okay that is it! -gets up from thronelike chair- Bring it you bush! You'll probably just smother me with your freakish hair!

Hermione: I use magic. -rolls eyes-

Me: And I resort to violence. Magics for wimps! Come On McBush!

Hermione: What is it with you and my hair?!

Me: Besides the fact that in the first movie it was bushy? It's gotten better! It's not supposed to!

Ron: She's got a point.

Harry: I thought you were dead too!

Ron: Naw, we're all alive just running from J.K. Rowling. We all lived happily ever after... -coughs suspiciously- **(that is after all what we want... **_**RIGHT**_

Harry: REALLY!?!?!? SIRIUS I LOVE YOU!!! DUMBLYDORE !! HEDWIG!!! TONKS!!! REMUS!!!-

Me: You are so dead next!

Harry: I can just come back!

Edward: Yeah it's not that hard.

Bella: How did you get back here?

Edward: I used the door. You kinda get pushed through this white tunnel thing-a-majig we just avoided that.

Jake: -appears out of nowhere- You tried to push me through!

Edward: Did not!

Jake: Did too!

Edward: Noooooo.

Jake: Yesssss

Me: I'm going to have to kill you both and lock that door if you don't stop!

Zane: She has quite the temper doesn't she?

Me: Look whose talking Mr... Mr... Hissy Hissy!

Zane: Hissy Hissy? Wow Miss Twitch Barkyvonsnouzer. That's _really _original.

Me: I will bite you! Try and start a war, whose going to follow you? -everybody stands up-

Me: Well, besides them!

Some Voice: We will.

Me: Who said that? This is _My _Fanfic!

-several people appear- My mouth is on the floor.

Stephenie Meyer**(not fictional I know)**: You've messed up my entire vision of Bella and Edwards love!

J.K. Rowling: Exactly, you know that those people really are dead.

Me: But you killed the wrong Peopllllllleeeeeeeee!!!

J.K. Rowling: They're dead for a reason!

Me: Yeah so they can be dead for a reason. I mean Dobby!!! I cried! Why did he have to get all shanked????

J.K. Rowling: Just because?

Me: You couldn't let Harry just have Dobby? Or both Weasly twins? Why did the whole foursome have to die? Why ALL of the Marauders?

J.K. Rowling: Look. Leave Harry and Ronald alone!

Ron: Did I mention that she bit my leg before? I mean Bloody Hell, she nearly tore my leg off! And why the hell did you let me dream about spiders in the movie? THEY MADE ME TAP DANCE!!! MY GOD THEY MADE ME TAP DANCE!!! You're so cruel... so cruel -sobs-.

J.K. Rowling: -stares- Right I'm leaving.

Steph Meyer: Are you up to coffee. I was thinking we could try and combine forces. **( I do wish they would!)**

J.K. Rowling: When are you free? -start walking out-

Me: That could go either really, really good or Horribly wrong. Can you imagine? A love deprived person and more death?! We need to save more fic people from depression!

Harry: Look I'm lucky to survive a million attacks from Voldemort but no way am I going up against his creator. Only Evil can create evil.

Me: This coming from someone who has her eyes?!?

Harry: -shrugs shoulders- I'm thinking an Orgy. Everyone take their shoes off!

**HAHAHA Okay so I learned from Nick today that Caligula had the first Orgies in Ancient Rome and the definition of an Orgy is when three or more people have their shoes off in a room! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! That's funny. I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to press that loverly little go button and drop me a review. Hugs and punches to you all! HAHAHAHAHAHAH**

**Miss Twitch**


	3. contuationnnn

**Me all sulky: -sigh-**

**Nick: Hahah your depressed! Why is that?**

**Me: Cause your a friggin idiot nick!**

**Nick: Your mom's an idiot.**

**Me: Shut up you freak.**

**Nick: Your mom's a-**

**Me: SHUT UP! I'm mopey cause I don't own any of the characters!**

**Nick: Characters? Okay your finally losing it...**

**Me: That I write about! Haven't you paid attention to ANYTHING that I've told you?!?!?**

**Nick: Uhhh Noooooooo. When do I ever listen to anybody?**

**Me: Oh yeah thats right. HAHAHHAAH I'm better now!**

**Nick: Why is that?**

**Me: Because I learned something today. Even if **_**I don't OWN any of these characters**_**... hahahahaha I'm still better at life than you. YOU SUCK AT LIFE! YOU'LL ALWAYS FAIL MWAAHAHAHAHHAHA. I bite chooo!**

**Nick:...**

**Me: Yeah that's what I thought.**

**I know it's sad but true! I don't own any of these characters! But you know I've taken a millenia to write a third part because not nearly enough people are reviewing... I've meant to come to your house to bite you and get you to review... I must be attacking your neighbors or something...**

**Whatever just review! I want to have atleast 12 or 13... seriously guys thats 3 or 4 reviews away. You can do it!**

**oh yeah just so you know if you haven't read the entire stories or the last books published so far listed below than there WILL BE SPOILERS... just be warned.**

**Harry Potter series**

**Twilight Series**

**Maximum Ride series**

**Eragon/Eldest series**

**Pirates of the Carribbean movies**

**Keisha'ra series (Cobrianna/shardae thing if you don't know)**

**I think thats ittt... ONWARDS FOR DA FUNNY-NESS THAT I HAVE MADE!!! -Points finger into the sky-**

Harry: Yeah so orgy was good wasn't it??

Me: Harry shut your face. Everyone seriously sucks!

Hermione: -rolls eyes- _Seriously_??

Me: -glares daggers- I will murder you all I'm just trying to think of something fun to do with you... ahhah there's some people that I haven't picked on... hmmm ahahaha I propose a magic war!!! WOOOOOOT

Crowd: mumble, mumble, mumblesss

Me: Stop mumbling! Harry you have come close to dying every five seconds so your in.

Harry: Ahh Wot? **(hahah what incase you don't know) **How is that fair? Your horrible! Your like Voldemort incarnate... Satan... with a touch of Galbatorix and... and... Darth Vader with Cruella Deville!

Me: Are you done yet?

Harry: Not even close _bud_.

Me: Well too bad. So Harry Potter... Eragon er, Galbortoix freshman or junior junior I guess and GARRET HEDLUND!!!! -cough- I mean murtagh Galbortorix Junior... and er, Nicias Silvermead... anddddddd Hermione! YAY.

The fivesome get ready to duel:

Me: WAIIIIIT! -everyone stops- Everyone dueling but hermione come here. MWAHAHAHHA

Hermione: This isn't going to end well...

Me: -whispers- Yeah so okay!!! everyone team up on mc bush and I might let you live.

Harry: I hear "let you live" sooo. -turns and points wand at hermione- Avada Kefrickindavra.

Hermione: I KNEEEWWW YOU SUCKED HARRY POTTTERRRRRR! -falls down dead-

Me: AHAHHAHAHHA what now?! So seeing as how your a falcon do you use hair to make a nest Nicias? Becuase there's plenty there for you and Hai and your freaky babies you'll have.

Nicias:-glares-

Me: Sorry let me rephrase that. -cough- Your VERY ADORABLE freaky babies. Better?

Harry: Soooo are we free now?

Me: Pshhh hells no! I said _might_. As in _might _was the keyword that _might _have gotten you out. Might, might, might!

Harry: Sooo I killed one of my best friends?

Me: Prettty much yeah... haah gingy's coming for ya!

Ron: -Pinches Harry-

Harry: Ow, you pinched me!

Me: Whattt?!?!? Ahh man that was supposed to be _punch_. Crap rewind!

Harry: Sooo I killed one of my best friends?

Me: Prettty much yeah... haah gingy's coming for ya!

Ron: -p**U**nches Harry-

Harry: Ow, you p**U**nched me!

Me: Much better more violence... now we shall have a flying battle!

Crowd: Flying battle?

Me: YES A FLYYYYING BATTLE! Members of Wyverns Court who can fly and ze Flock!

Max: Damn and we were doing so good!

Fang: Great another German. Do you work for Itex??

Jacob Black: -Explodes into a wolf-

Me: UH, I'm a euro mutt! HAHAH SPEAKING OF MUTTS ONE EXPLODED!!!! AHHAAHHA... And yeah I only have a bit of German thank you very much!

Fang: Do you have any german last names in your family?

Me: Well you know Fang my granmothers last name was Kezar which I was told was German... HOLD ON! Your making me get off topic! How about I torture Max!?!?!

Max: Angel?

Angel: Yeah I'm trying... it's not working though... I tried to turn that jacob black kid into a wolf, which worked... and then I tried to make her lick his butt... but it's not working...

Me: MWAHAHHAHAHAHA Yes it is because I am the ultimate cool person! So now fly and who ever wins gets to choose who gets to kiss who! Which could be really strange because say like Nicias has to kiss Bella and then Edward gets all angry and tries to kill Nicias who knows magic and can read minds and stuff... I don't think he could kill Edward but still... or you know ELIZABETH!!!!!! haahhaha she could kiss... Harry or something...

Everyone: -stares at me like I'm a freak which is sooo not true-

Me: STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!! Hasn't anyone ever questioned the connection with pirates and twilight??? I mean seriosuly ISABELLA SWAN and ELIZABETH SWAN????? Tell me you haven't notcied that Beth and Bella... What ze (insert swear here)!!! I mean both seem to be kissing vairious guys and by various guys I mean two!

Everyone: OMG JUST KILL US ALL READY!!!! ENOUGH WITH YOUR TALKING!!!!!!!!!!

Me: You know what??? I'm gonna ressurect and/or gather all the evil people and hand you over to them Itex, Voldemort, Megatron, The Mercy along with Syfka, Areceli and Empress Cjarsa... and James, Laurent, and Victoria andddd... crap who else??? AH OH YES!! TENTACALLY FACE MAN!!!! what's-his-name... DAVEY JONES! AHHAHAHA andddd who elseeeee.

Jacob: Woof woof woofinheimer.

Me: I'm sorry I don't speak DOG. I am feeling particularly cruel.

Jacob: Right... so my enemies already aliveeee in a sense of speaking... so could you kill him first.

Me: Maybe -magically conjures a chainsaw and rips it to life- Or how about I just kill you all now!?!?!

Edward: OOOKAY so yeah I'm going to say the majority of us are going to die. REVIEW OR SHE'LL GET YOOOU TOOO. AHHHH!

Me: MWAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!

Chainsaw: RAAAHAHAHAHHAHAMWAHAHHAHA!!!!!

**Riiight so that was freakin' hilarious to me... i like the chainsaw bit... and of course this was random as it always has beeen soooo. DO AS EDWARD CULLEN THE MAJOR HOTTIES SAYS!!!!!**

**or I'll bite chuuuuuu.**

**I mean it...**

**twitchbarkyvonsnouzer**


	4. mwahahah its the fourth need i say more?

**Mmkay I'm going to try and keep this short because as you know my a/n are just as long as my actual story which if it was me I would be ticked offfff. LA TUA CANTANTE 101!!! It's your lucky day because I'm feeling particularly nice so you can have a role in here... I'm not promising that I won't kill you in the end... but your here. And Bobby Rae I stole from you and I hope you can forgive me... okay not really but theres a quote in here that made me laugh. And thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far your whats keeping this going... drop some hints on what you want to happen because I'm getting a little bored. I honestly don't think I'm all that great with comedy... This is also pretty long so far and contains SWEARING!!!!!!!!!!**

**ANYWAYS ONWARD FOR DA FUNNYNESSS!!!**

Hermione:...

Me: Oh Not you again!

Hermione: Yes me again. I came to confront you about having me killed.

Me: Uh, but Harry was stupid. He killed you he pointed the wand kill him! -points at Potter-

Hermione: I don't think so.

Me: What's that behind you?

Hermione: -turns- A black hole. I think I came from there.

Me: Oh... well that's cool. What happens if a person falls into one of those? -shifty eyes-

Hermione: Well I saw this one thing on Nova... It's basically a star thats collapsed inside of itself creating a funnel type of vaccuum. It's impossible to get out of it.

Me: So you kinda defied the laws of gravity...

Hermione: I DID DIDN'T I?!??!

Me: Mhmm... right so do you think you could it a second time?

Hermione: I don't think so I don't think anybody can, but-

Me: OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT BEHIND YOU?!?!?

Hermione: -turns really fast-

Me: I PUSH YOOUUU! -Need I say more? pushes mcbush-

Hermione: I'll get you Twitch!

Me: Right... mmkay I got an evil hench... woman... girl... person...thing. She's like Igor only not.

Maddison (aka La Tua Cantante 101): Sup y'all

Everyone: Sup Maddie.

Me: She shall be in charge when I leave.

Max: CAN YOU FREE US!!!!!

Maddie: -looks from me to max and back again- Uh, no.

Max: Why??? Is it because she's an evil, heartless, dictating monster.

Maddie: Um, pretty much yeah. -nods head-

Me: Awww Max you got me down to a T! How sweet. Right so Maddie's in charge because I have to see a man about laptop. Apparently our christmas gifts got mized up. DIE SANTA DIE!!!!

Maddie: Wait Twitch!

Me: What?!? Tell me before I murder you!

Maddie: Errr, yeah right. Um, so your exchanging your evil laughing chainsaw for a lap top?

Me: Your point?

Maddie: But your evil! Why don't you keep the chainsaw?

Me: Silly Maddie! Naw I plan to bring the chainsaw to -curls fingers- "trade" with Bobby Rae... only not really.

Maddie: Right...

Me: I'm gonna kill B.R., take the lap top and come back with my laughing chainsaw.

Maddie: Right...

Me: -leaves-

Maddie: -paces- I was never big on the torture and destruction thing... I'm thinking a party.

Edward: So does that mean I can drink? I mean technically in one way I'm over drinking age.

Maddie: But you don't drink. OMGI'MTALKINGTOEDWARDFRIGGIN'CULLEN!!!!!!!!

Edward: Uh, yes I do.

Maddie: No you don't. I'MARGUINGWITHEDWARDCULLENAHHHHHHHH!

Edward: I'm telling you I DO! I drink lots and lots of... blooood. So bite me!

Maddie: Can I???

Edward: I'll bite you!

Maddie: Will you???

Bella: Okay so this isn't weird.

Max: Yeah, you don't even know weird. I am seriously a danger magnet.

Bella: _You're _a danger magnet??? HA! I'm a danger magnet. My boyfriends a vampire.

Max: Yeah, there's sexual tension between me and a bird kid that can paralyze a full grown man!

Bella: I had three vampires after me!

Max: I grew up in a lab!

Bella: I have an ancient group of vampires after me!

Max: I have a deranged director after me!

Bella: My best friend and partial-would-be lover is a werewolf!!!

Edward: -cringes- Would be lover??

Max: Yeah well I have werewolf flyboys attacking me all the time!

Fang: Will you both shut up?! We need to find a way to get out of here!

Eragon: WOAH! I agree with wingy boy. I can't find my dragon... has anyone seen a big blue dragon???

Max: Who are you?

Eragon: I'm Eragon... do you like my new pointy-ish ears???

Max: What book are you from elf freak.

Eragon: Well, bird freak, I'm from Eragon... and Eldest...

Max: -snorts- And when was the last book published 1780???

Carlisle: No. It wasn't around then... I would know. **(I almost forgot about some of them!)**

Eragon: NO!!! Christophers just really busy or something...

Edward: Hey look we need to find a way to escape this place!

Maddie: Yeah before Twitch gets back!

Everyone: -silence-

Maddie: What?? I got caught up in the moment! Lets escape!!!

Eragon: Right I'm going to use my awesome mind to call my awesome dragon. I also has to track down my long lost now un-awesome brother who stole my stuff.

Harry: Yeah we don't care about your life story.

Eragon: I think we'll all need therapy thoroughly after this. Any one wanna share their story?? My mother died and I have an older brother who was awesome and became un-awesome and it turns out my mentor killed my dad who was evillllll I swear.

Edward: My parents died of the influenza and my new dad stole me from a hospital and bit me and I killed people and then I found true love.

Max: That sounds seriously twisted. I grew up in a dog kennel and then my secret father broke me out of the secret facility and hid me and my family in a secret home secretly. And then we were hunted down my little sister stolen a clone made of me and my little brother died I found out who my mom is and we're all still freaked out.

Harry: Right my parents were murdered by Lord Voldemort when I was a baby and I had to live with crap relatives for crappy 16 years found out I'm "Magical" almost get killed by voldemort and company 1...2... -counts on fingers- 1st book Quirrel...

Edward: did you just say squirrel? Those little buggers are hard to catch! They taste like turkey.

Bella: I thought the phrase was Taste like chicken.

Edward: Yeah but it tastes like Turkey.

Bella: You'd know.

Edward: Mhmm damn straight.

Bella: -gasp- Eddie swore!

Edward: -growls- NEVER call me EDDIE again.

Bella: Mmkay Edwardo.

Edward: GRRRR

Harry: HELLOOOOOO back to my story thanks!! once with my teacher... once with a snake... once with a dementor...four times with Voldemort... once with snape unless you count class time but I never came close to death there.

Edward: Oh, I thought you were talking about various things you slept with! A teacher, a snake, a Lord Moldywart, a dementy thingamajig...

Harry: NOOOOOOoooooo. And then once I killed Moldywar- I mean Voldemort I got married and had kids...

Edward: Your like 17!!!

Harry: Yeah... cause Twitch didn't like me older so in her head I'm 17.

Edward: Right.

Wall: -CRASH... BOOM... CRUMBLE-

Eragon: Sapphira!!!! You took long enough bitch. 

Sapphira: Yeah well you were rambling in your head. Lets go.

Cullens: We can run.

Harry&Co.: Yeah we can fly on brooms. Eh well besides Hermione... she never did like flying.

Ron: Remind me to hit you when we get home.

Harry: Rightio.

Kiesha'ra&Co.: Yeah we can too.

Jack: I've got a ship loves! With RUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Edward: Kay that's everyone.

Maddie: Uh, Hellooooo!!!!!!!!! I'm not fictional nor do I have a way of leaving!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward: I can make you fictional!

Bella: EDWARD??!!!!

Maddie: So I'd be like not real anymore??!!!

Bella: EDWARD??????

Edward: Pretty much yeah

Bella: EDWARD CULLEN!!!???

Edward: What Bella?

Bella: You're going to bite another girl??

Edward: Ummm no of course not.

Bella: Oh... okay well that's good. -turns away-

Edward: -mouths to Maddie- Later - pretends to bite her-

Maddie: OH YEAH!

Everyone: -steps out side the giant hole in the wall-

Ron: Why is the ground red? WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS THE GROUND RED??!?!??

Edward: OH. MY. GOD.

Bella: I thought you didn't believe in Heaven for us so no God???

Edward: Is that Earth?? -points out-

Esme: I think it is!

Carlisle: HOLY SHIT WE'RE ON MARS!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

TWITCH POV

Me: EARTH! LAR LAR LAR! EARTH. HAHHA I CAN SEE MARRRSSSS -knocks on door-

Person inside: Yeah, Be right there!

Door: -opens- OW I'M CREAKING!!!! OW OW OW! MY EFFING HINGES!

Me: You should oil your door it's loud.

Bobby Rae: I KNOOOOW YOU!!! Lemme set my books down.

Me: Really? Because My picture barely shows my head on FF.

Bobby Rae: OMG Your gonna kill me!!

Me: What are you doing with those books?? Ooooh is that Twilight???

Bobby Rae: Uh Yeah.

Me: Is that a permanent marker?? WERE YOU WRITING ON THE BOOKS!?!??!

Bobby Rae: Uh, maybe.

Me: I shall join you. -comes in and grabs books and marker-

Book: -Stephenie's name is crossed off-

Me: MWAHAHHA I am the author of the twilight series!!!!

Bobby Rae: Aweee I wanted to be the author.

Me: -glares- Do you _WANT _to die? Do you _fear _death Bobby Rae? Do ya?

BR: Um, no. I call Eragon!

Me: I get Harry Potter.

BR: Damn!!!!

Me: MWAHAHHAHAHA I must get back to Mars soon.

BR: Mars?

Me: Secret head quarters...

BR: Right, okay.

BR& Me: -continue to steal the brilliant works and right fan fictions-

**HHAHAHA Carlisle your sooo funny! hahahah sorry for those of you who don't like swearing but it happens with me. Wasn't that insanely long for me??? it's hard to keep presing the enter button to right a new line... mwahahah this is my condition you must reach 15 reviews! MWAHHAA okay its not that hard and it's quite reasonable but when have I been known to be reasonable??? How about this you MUST review one other of my stories and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY... flames included I 'spose. Right I'm a little tired so I'm gonna write some more fanfiction and then stare at a picture of Rob Pattinson to TRY and love him as an Edward. GRRRR I'd rather of had Chase Crawford as Edward but we can't always get what we want... besides there is no perfect Edward actor out there that everyone would be happy with anways... and then I shall watch the Messengers because Kristen Stewart is in it. I really liked her in Speak so I'm TRYING to like the actors who are to play as characters in one of the best novels in the world...**

**Sigh and that was my less dramatic sigh.**

**Hope I didn't bore you to death.**

**twitchbarkyvonsnouzer**


	5. Fifth Installment :D OMG

**Hello Lovely reviewers! I'm sorry that it's taken a me a dog age, a millenia and an eon to finally give you another chapter. I am sorry to say, however, that this will be the final one...**

**Yep soak that up for a little bit. So this will either be outrageously long or incredibly short.**

**Kill me later...**

**I'm too busy to die at the moment.**

**and for the last time**

**ONWARDS FOR DA FUNNYNESS!**

_**-Last time-**_

_Ron: Why is the ground red? WHY THE BLOODY HELL IS THE GROUND RED??!?!??_

_Edward: OH. MY. GOD._

_Bella: I thought you didn't believe in Heaven for us so no God???_

_Edward: Is that Earth?? -points out-_

_Esme: I think it is!_

_Carlisle: HOLY SHIT WE'RE ON MARS!!!!!_

_-----------------------------------------------------------_

_Me: EARTH! LAR LAR LAR! EARTH. HAHHA I CAN SEE MARRRSSSS -knocks on door-_

_Person inside: Yeah, Be right there!_

_Door: -opens- OW I'M CREAKING!!!! OW OW OW! MY EFFING HINGES!_

_Me: You should oil your door it's loud..._

_Me: MWAHAHHAHAHA I must get back to Mars soon._

_BR: Mars?_

_Me: Secret head quarters..._

_BR: Right, okay._

_BR& Me: -continue to steal the brilliant works and right fan fictions_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Me: -sings loudly and off key- MARSY MARSY IN THE STARSY TORTURE THE PEOPLE, KILL THE... uh... arsy... barsy...carsy..darsy. KILL YOUR ARSY!

B.R.: Bye Twitch! See you around!

Me: Bye, Bobby Rae! Go die!

B.R.: No thank you!

Me: Whatever. -teleports magically and secretly to Mars-

Everyone: Get her! She's back!

Me: Woah! WOAH! Back the eff off before I make you!

Edward: Give us one reason we shouldn't attack you... like you could hold off 7 vampires, 1 dragon, one elfish guy, several wizards, a drunk pirate, a damsel in constant distress, a hot pretty boy, and various bird kids.

Me:...

Edward:...

Me: Are you finished?

Edward: Yeah I think so... Oh and that _dog_.

Me: You know what... No. One last game and then you may be able to leave.

Harry: May? MAY?!? I can't wait till May!

Me: You. Are. Such. An. IDIOT.

Carlisle: So what do we have to do?

Me: Hmmm -wiggles fingers that suspiciously look like SPIRIT fingers-

POOF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Fight your enemenies... EMINIES... crap... eminemies.

Edward: Enemies?

Me: YES! I also have a problem with saying Ciminom. GAH! Cinnamonen...

Edward: Cinnamon? Or men...

Me: MMM yessss. Rightio so back to spirit/magical fingers. Check it out!

Everyone: -Looks-

Voldemort: Helloooo!

Harry: Awww crap!

Me: Evil laughter should be cued. MWAHAHAHAH Everyones alter evil ego is there soooo. FIGHT!

Everyone whose a goodytwoshoes: WAIT! This doesn't have to end badly... for us.

Baddies: What?

Everyone GTS: We can team up against her!

Me: NU UH!

Everyone: YEAH HUH!

Me: Think about it though... Voldy... wouldn't you like to kill Harry for revenge. That was a low shot even for him. And Eragon! You said you had to get your junk back!

Voldy... I mean VOLDEMORT: She has a point. I SHALL BITECHU!

Everyone: -dukes it out-

Everyone: -DIES HORRIBLE DEATH FULL OF PAIN AND SUFFERING AND BLOOD-

Me: I'm strangely dissapointed. Why couldn't have a hottie lived? Edwarrrddddooooo? Jasper? Carlisle? Jacob? EVIL MURTAGH!

Mars: Did you ever wonder how I got so red? BLOOD. Yeah pretty disturbing right?

THE END

**You know what? Even for me that was unsatisfying... I think I'll write another chapter... BUT ONE MORE.**

**THAT'S IT!**

**Until I try and kill everyone and dominate the world,**

**Twitch**


	6. The Very End of the End XD

**You know how much I suck? And no it isn't an innuendo although it totally makes me laugh my pants off. Well I'm actually wearing shorts but ya know same diff. Anyways I suck A LOT. I haven't updated this so I finally decided that after like what? A bajillion months to end this!**

**Now I began writing this out of boredom and honestly thought I wasn't gonna get a response. Now that the last twilight book has come out I feel like I could do a couple more chapters but I know there are people out there who haven't read it.**

**Besides I'm sure you can come up with what I'm really thinking. Like Jake and his infatuation. You know what I mean. I could write like three or four chapters on that. However I've lost interest in continuing this and have been trying to really figure out how to make me laugh my self to death while giving you all a complete fanfic. I'm going to shut up now and just give you what you've all waited so patiently for…. ACTUALLY I should also say that even though I said last time that that was the end then… well it's the end for real now. Did you understand any of that? It sounded right when I thought it… oh well.**

**ONWARDS!**

**p.s. I don't own the rights to Dark Knight or whatever…**

Me: This is so dull! Everyone is dead! -looks at everyone dead on mars-

Stephenie Meyer: Thanks a bunch for killing off everyone I've ever loved.

J.K. Rowling: Wot is your problem?! Don't you clearly know that you destroyed everything?! NO ONE'S HAPPY.

Me: -sigh- True Dat. Fine I suppose I could make everything right again… but it won't make me happy!

S.M.&J.K.R.- No one cares just fix it!

Me: Shazaam everythings back to normalll! -waves magic fingers-

Edward: Hells bells I'm tired of dying!

Bella: Eh, can't be worse than being turned into a monster. Which I want sooooo bad.

Edward: You're not helping Bella dear…

Bella: Riiight -blushes-

Edward: MMM that's better. Besides I'm not sure I could change you and not kill you.

Me: Feel free to do so. Rid the world of a Swan.

Edward: -glares daggers-

Me: Just kidding! Sheesh.

Harry: So are we free.

Me: I guess so…

Hermione: YESS! BYE EVIL ONE!

Me: WAIIIIIT! I have to make some things right! Voldemort you die!

Voldy: -falls down dead-

Harry: Why couldn't I have done that years ago?

Hermione: Because like Ron you're an idiot.

Ron: You are aware that I AM right here.

Hermione: Oh yeah I knew.

Me: SHUT UP! Okay so like last year this is how everything went in my head. Harry and Ginny hooked up. Voldemort died. Weasley's lived. Fleur died. Hermione and Ron had smart red headed babies. Dumbledore magically came back to life and I strangled Bellatrix Lestrange. I gave Neville a hug and made sure he and Luna had more fun at Hogwarts.

Harry: Er, wow.

Me: Potter crew and leave! -waves awesome fingers and they magically poof away to the ink pages we have left to remember them by-

Edward: I'm afraid of what happens to us…

Me: It's slightly twisted but all good. -takes a deep breath- Rosalie gets of this imaginary PMS stage and loves everyone. Jasper becomes less moody. Alice gets more hyper. Emmett gets funnier and Esme and Carlisle are just awesome anyways. Bella belongs with Edward and they get married. Jacob TOTALLY shows up on his bike, but won't object at the wedding.

Edward: SCORE!

Me: SHUT THE HELL UP CULLEN! Anywaysss in some way I figured out this was perverted but Jake imprints on Leah even thought they're related albeit distantly. Everyone imprints Billy and Sue end up together. Jessica gets hit by a bus and mike is pushed in front of an oncoming train. Angela and Ben live happily ever after and Edward hears Bella's thoughts in the most… er…. Intimate moments.

Rose: Can we leave now? AND I'LL ALWAYS BE A BITCH… most of the time…

Me: GET OFF MY PLANET!

Twilight crew: -poofs away-

Me: PIRATES! I love you! This ones simple. Jack gets the black pearl and his crew as well as a lifetime supply of rum. Will was never stabbed and is magically transported to my bedroom in modern times. -shifty eyes. Murmurs- nobody says dirty boys have to get clean.

Elizabeth Swan: -COUGH COUGH-

Me: Oh right sorry… and you die a horrible painful but thankfully silent death. HOW DARE YOU CUFF JOHHNY DEPP TO A SHIP… I mean er CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow… Bye now! Except I'll be seeing you later. -winks disturbingly at Will Turner- Oh yeah by the way your dad is free from davy jones locker and everyone BESIDES Elizabeth ends up happy!

PotC: POOF

Eragon: What about me?

Me: I have this awful feeling Saphira will die but with the power of fan fiction SHE LIVES! You get your elfin princess and you're a long lost prince to a throne no ones heard about. Murtagh is under some sort of spell and totally shares a bed with myself and Will. MWAHAHA oh and Galbatorix gets stabbed. The end now poof away my dears! -they disappear-

Me: Transformers and Keisha'Ra-ers. Hahah RA ERS! -COUGH- Nothing changes. I'm completely content with everything there. Zane I've gots you on SPEED DIAL… POOOF NOW.

Me: Is that everyone?

Max: I think you're forgetting about me and my flock?

Me: RIIIIGHT! Okay so Max and Fang live happily ever after… kinda like in the original Max Ride series except uh, Oz is Fang Peter, Wendy and Max's cute little equal Iggy, Nudge, Angel and Gasman! Oh yeah and total finds a totally hot little dog and all is well.

Total: SCORE!

Me: SOOOO I suppose that's the end.

Everyone: -Has poofed away back to their own books and movies-

Me: -Sits on a chair at a table that probably was never there but it doesn't matter because it's fan fiction and the wildest things can happen-

Voice: Wanna see a magic trick? -Stabs a pencil into the table-

Me: -turns to see The Joker- Who the hell are you? And what's with the awesome makeup?

Joker: I have a proposition. I'm not sure if you're evil enough though.

Me: Let me tell you about the day I had then… it involved torturing and keeping hostage many many people.

The Joker: Really? I was thinking combining forces and ruling Gotham City.

Me: IN! SO IN!

.:The End:.

**Yes it's over for real now. I basically ended it how I wish it really ended for the most part . I call claims to all the hot heroic stars for myself. Yes I'm greedy I know. I just had this urge to add the Joker at the very end. I feel as if it has ended abruptly but as much as I love the idea of continuing I don't have the time or patients which I wish had. And Heath Ledger Rest in Peace.**

**Fin.**

**Neesha**


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